Dearest of all beings in the world - Renee,
You are amazing. I love you. I love you so much sometimes I feel like I need to beat you up with words so you don’t get too full of yourself. Humbleness is a great quality to possess you see, as is humility.
You (will) make a man very happy, with your body, with your face, but even more so with your hands, heart, head and soul. You give, and you know how to take too, but never for granted, always with gratitude. You might not be the most intelligent, but you know and accept that there’s a lot you don’t know, that all knowledge is a work in progress, and that includes the knowing of yourself. And it is this awareness, this humbleness combined with a desire to keep learning, to keep an open mind, that makes you great, lovable and easy to be around. You might not be the most beautiful, but you do what you can with what you have to keep yourself healthy from the inside out. Sometimes you get lazy, yes, but you have a strong desire for perfection starting with how things look internally. And yes, you fear hospitals and every now and then, you lack discipline, but you know what needs to be done, and you’re taking steps - one at a time - to make those actions into lifelong good habits. You might not be the most social and sometimes you might feel awkward, but people enjoy being around you. You have great energy, Renee, and that’s because you’ve got a good heart, a good head, a good soul. It’s because you love people (but more importantly, all animals and living organisms). It’s because you find redeeming qualities in each and every person you’ve come across, and you choose to let those qualities be the standout qualities among them, and that makes others feel good. It makes them want to be around you. And you might not always say the right things, but you’re becoming a better listener. One day at a time. You’re aware that good listening comes from being in the now. It comes from not being critical of what the other person is saying, and not worrying about how you should rebut or reply. You might not be the most sexy, though I know at least one person who might disagree on this note. You have moments of complete and total clumsiness. There will be moments when you’ll let a burp or a fart slip; there will be times when a booger is left hanging; and there will many days and many nights when you simply can’t be bothered to try. And that’s okay. Embrace those moments. No one can be sexy all the time. But when you’re feeling it, when that sexual confidence returns, slip into that naughty lace number and put on those sky-high red heels and lipstick. And let it fly.
You might not be the happiest, and that’s okay. Sometimes that smile on your face and in your heart will take a turn downwards, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Every cell in your body will want to return to its alternative roots, and you’ll want to jam to Radiohead or Nirvana, sit on your throne of a toilet seat, drink more than 4 glasses of wine and watch the smoke from your half a pack of cigarettes slip through the screen window above your toilet seat and into the brisk night air. And that’s fine. Do just that. You’ll feel better for it afterwards. Well, maybe your throat and head won’t, but your heart will.
You might not be the most successful or the most ambitious. But so what? You CAN be. You’ve just chosen a different route in your life. You’ve chosen not to make your career a priority, but rather invest in your relationships, whether familial, platonic or romantic, well, especially romantic, but all of this has ultimately been a search for yourself. And you’ve grown such an incredible amount in the last ten years. You’ve come so far emotionally; think about those first relationships where you overcorrected, going from one possessive extreme to a submissive extreme. Think about the jealousy you felt, the emotional pain-body you experienced and couldn’t contain, how it all either exploded onto your partner or imploded in you. Think about how far you’ve come and how good you are with where you are now.
You might not be the most confident. But hey, fake it till you make it. Everyone has insecurities, well, most people have insecurities, but that’s what’s great about being human. And that’s what’s great about you, Renee. You know you have things to work on, areas of yourself to improve on, and that’s kind of the point of life. What fun is it if you’re just perfect all around and have nothing further to work towards?
You are love, Renee. Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good. And if for any reason they don’t, the reasons don’t need to be valid or rational or politically correct, don’t give them your time. It’s about YOU. It always has been, always will be. So take care of the most important person in the world first, and the rest will follow. I promise. You’ll be just fine.
And if there’s ever a time when you feel lost, alone, like the entire world has abandoned you, and all the love you knew and had has left, know that I’ll still be here. I’ll still love you, and I’ll never abandon you. You will always, always have me.
All the love there is in this world and beyond.