Restless Rant

This Lorde song has been on repeat for the past few weeks... think I'm driving Michael (the boyf) and Adai (the cat) crazy.

There are certain things (songs, scents, sceneries...) that strike something deep in my soul and I feel both an overwhelming sense of connectedness and detachedness to everything around me, if that makes any sense.

On a totally different note - just something that's been on my mind... I've gotten a lot of "you've lost weight," "you need to eat," "you're too skinny," in the last two months, and it's made me very frustrated because I do fucking eat. Excuse me for being careful with what I eat, how much, how often and how I choose to stay fit! It really bothers me when people just assume.

Since when does shedding a few pounds equal not eating or being unhealthy? Maybe, just maybe, that person is consciously making a choice to be more healthy and disciplined. How is it rude to tell people they're too fat and need to lose weight but it's perfectly fine to tell people they're too skinny and need to eat? When people make those comments, it typically comes from two places: 1) genuine concern for that skinny minnie, or 2) insecurity of his/her own self. I recognize that and try to appreciate or empathize depending on which is more appropriate, but fuck, if you're making assumptions and don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Now, there's been this feeling of restlessness that has been plaguing me the past few days (weeks?). Can't put my finger on where it stems from but it's actually been affecting my appetite, to the point where I've been telling myself "you need to eat," and then force myself to chew and swallow as if I'm being tortured to eat a fucking sandwich. I'm at a loss. Don't know whether it's anxiety or pent-up frustration. It's awful to find that the very things I used to so enjoy (eating) simply isn't striking a chord anymore. I want to eat and can feel my body saying "eat, eat, eat!" but nothing is arousing my tastebuds. Completely clueless as to where to go from here... Never thought I would say this in my life but I WANT MY FREAKIN' APPETITE BACK.

The Fisherman and the Businessman

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