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Feeling Inspired

Feeling Inspired

I tend to go through these periods of intense inspiration and periods of extreme laziness. Eckhart Tolle talks something of this in The Power of Now - I won't try to paraphrase because I'm terrible at that so below's the original quote if you're interested.

"Your physical energy is also subject to cycles. It cannot always be at a peak. There will be times of low as well as high energy. There will be periods when you are highly active and creative, but there may also be times when everything seems stagnant, when it seems that you are not getting anywhere, not achieving anything. A cycle can last for anything from a few hours to a few years. There are large cycles and small cycles within these large ones. Many illnesses are created through fighting against the cycles of low energy, which are vital for regeneration. The compulsion to do, and the tendency to derive your sense of self-worth and identity from external factors such as achievement, is an inevitable illusion as long as you are identified with the mind. This makes it hard or impossible for you to accept the low cycles and allow them to be. Thus, the intelligence of the organism may take over as a self-protective measure and create illness in order to force you to stop, so that the necessary regeneration can take place."

The past few months, I've been at the top of that cycle - the high energy, creative peak. Feeling motivated enough to get my typically lazy ass out of bed to work out in the mornings before work, reading, learning and getting more involved in the start-up community, attending networking events and meeting other people rather than staying at home with the boyf and letting my fat cat knead my boobs, so on, and so on. Having enough willpower to have become a vegetarian, well, pescetarian, when lamb sticks and carne asada burritos were all I could fathom eating for 26 years of my life. And fueling that fire within to want to make myself rich, rather than someone else (and developing the confidence to believe that I can do exactly that).

A huge part of that inspiration has stemmed from Sophia Amoruso, chief troublemaker behind Nasty Gal - someone I have tremendous respect for and am grateful for knowing on a first-name basis because I interned at Nasty Gal in its wonder years. Another part of the inspiration comes from being in Shanghai - the pure energy and pace of this city has elicited more in me than I could ever have imagined. There's also the maturity factor - simply not being ready to figure out which road I wanted to take - the one less traveled or more? Admittedly, for the longest time, I wanted to (and did) take the road more traveled - it was just easier and there was also that desire of wanting to please the masses and be accepted. But the last part of this inspiration has come from just being fucking bored and not being able to commit to any one thing - EVERYTHING is interesting but nothing is EVER interesting enough for me to become really GREAT at it. Good at a lot of things, but not GREAT at anything... something that has plagued my parents to this day.

All of this brings me to... the realization that (despite those bearish periods when everything feels like it's falling apart) I am not the complacent type and cannot forever work under someone else. It stunts (my) creativity and passions. In other words, I need my own project. And it's in the works. Though it's being treated as a project and learning experience rather than a start-up or small business for personal reasons. I'm not fond of the judgments, assumptions and expectations people seem to automatically make when you tell them you're starting something on your own - maybe that's something I need to get over at some point but I'm just not there yet.

Still, it is something that has made me feel more excited and alive than I've felt in a long time. And that's what living is about, right?

Restless Rant

3 Years Later

3 Years Later