another conversation, another dream

"i like you because you're understanding, yet you don't really understand yourself..."

"i like you because you understand yourself, but you will never really understand me."

because. see above.

the other night, i received a message from you early in the morning, and you told me you had just woken from a bad dream - i had betrayed you, deceived you into believing i was something that i wasn't, something that i am not.

and you told me, it frightened you because it felt so real.

and it struck me right then, that perhaps that dream wasn't a dream after all.

but i tried to comfort you anyway, because i don't really understand myself, i comforted you because i understood, because i wanted you to believe that if you needed me to be the opposite of the person you had dreamed of, that i can be.

it's easier for me to comfort others in time of need, to be there for others in time of need, to service others in time of need, than to comfort, be there and service myself. doing this also makes me happier. what makes me unhappy, is when two worlds collide, when i try to comfort, be there and service more than i can handle, and one starts to affect the other, and i have to make a choice between one or the other.

so there are times when i want nothing.

and then there are times when i want the world.

i don't understand it really.

i'll miss you...

see you soon