i don't really know what i'm doing anymore, i'm conflicted
it's so easy for me to let go and shut out the rest of the world
and alter / indulge my life to you
because i want to do just that
it is what makes me happy, now
until ?

i see a pattern and it's preventing me from caring any more
it is easy to come home and talk to you, or not talk
but speak to you through being, across invisible frequencies

part of me wants to do that and only that each and every night
exile myself with you, in my twin size bed
and speak to you through being: happy, sad, lonely
until we both find solitude together,
each on our own terms
but not without our souls always as one in a parallel universe

i could do just that, i want to do just that
but a part of me knows this is not how this world operates
this is not how we, as human beings, find fulfillment
it would be easy to be solitary and in love with just you
but this is not the world we live in

the challenge, that is also the greatest attainment in this life
is to know ourselves, be reconciled with the good and the bad
and embrace ourselves for being just that way
to be able to find that balance between this world and our world
is the ultimate testament of the real - my feelings for you

there are patterns: three nights now i have gone to bed with you from afar
again and again, i refuse social invitations
occasions to be a member of this world
because i'd rather be with you through sine waves and such
in our world

what does this mean and what happens when one day i concede
and one day i will
will it mean to you then i appreciate less your techno-companionship somehow
but here i am now, closing myself off to this world once again
what am i doing and is it the right thing

there is a boba stuck at the end of my fat straw it doesn't want to come through and be eaten it's fighting quite hard against my suction but it will be eaten it is its fate it is its will to be in my belly and nowhere else

Suffocation easy... Where is my mind?

The Godforsaken