On Self-Compassion

Dearest of all beings in the world - Renee,

You are amazing. I love you. I love you so much sometimes I feel like I need to beat you up with words so you don’t get too full of yourself. Humbleness is a great quality to possess you see, as is humility.

On Living A Concentrated Dose of Life

The Remote Year group that I’m traveling with goes by the name of Ikigai, a Japanese word that means “reason for being”. I spent all of about two seconds thinking about what my ikigai was on orientation day, but then quickly forgot about it. That is, until a series of events, people, and places re-triggered an inquiry into why I’m here.

On Solitude

You asked me what it was about being alone that I liked...

I like the silence, the sound of nothing filling the air, save my breath. Sometimes I like the sound of music - that of my favorite artist, filling the room, my room. Without anyone telling me quieter, louder or skip to the next track.

In the past two to three years, I've been feeling like a bit of an aberration of myself. Lost at sea, following the motions of the waves without any resistance, without a compass nor a docking port in mind, letting whatever and whomever crosses my path onto my ship and giving them control of it. Always playing middle field and never picking a side.

alone. together. alone. together. born alone. die alone. born alone together. die alone together. we live in binaries. without one, the other has no meaning.

My heart fucking hurts. There's this built up pressure inside and it feels like it wants to explode but can't, it's trying to contain itself within these fleshy walls. It's a power struggle between the walls that are trying to contain this explosion and this explosion itself. Who knew hearts were capable of this...

Thirty(-two) before Thirty

Since it's a new year and only a little less than 3 years now till my 30th birthday, I figured I'd compile (it's never too late) a list of 30 (plus 2) things to check off before 30. They are an assortment of random things that I've always wanted to do or have dreamed of accomplishing (literally) and thus are very personal to me.